Dinosaur Park Tips

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Tips for Dinosaur Park Designers

Planning a dinosaur park? We all know from movies like Jurassic Park that even a minor problem can cause a major catastrophe in a badly designed dinosaur park... and, before you know it, the dinosaurs are chowing down on park staff and guests alike! But it doesn't have to be that way... here are some tips that can help secure your dinosaur park:

Park Design Tips:
  1. Do not make your dinosaur enclosures of flimsy electrified wire that are totally ineffective if the power goes off...

  2. ...but have a backup power generator anyway!

  3. Use a system of concentric enclosures. In prisons, if a prisoner manages to break out of his cell, he doesn't immediately get the run of the whole prison, because each section and cellblock within the prison is separated by walls, locked gates, etc. When designing your dinosaur park, you can use the same principle.

  4. For emergencies, build a really secure redoubt with ultra-thick high concrete walls...

  5. ...and steel doors only big enough for humans to fit through (so any passing Tyrannosaurus rex can't get in)...

    Thick steel doors are a good idea:
    Thick steel doors are a good idea

  6. ...but with the doors arranged one after another in an airlock-like arrangement with a door locking/unlocking mechanism that can only be operated by humans (not by velociraptors simply leaning on the door handle). For example, have people punch in a short numeric code to open the door - and to avoid any possibility of people forgetting the code, the code can even be printed on the door - since velociraptors can't actually read.
Computer System Design Tips:
  1. Don't allow one angry programmer with a bad attitude and financial problems to design all your automated computer control systems. Even if he made the lowest bid for the contract. It's a false economy, especially when you consider that you've probably spent billions on buying islands, building infrastructure, doing scientific research, and dinosaur breeding.

  2. Buy more than one computer... you don't want parts of your computer control system shutting down because you're compiling new versions of the control software! Actually why not buy at least three computers - one for development and compiling, one for testing, and one for the live system - that way if a programmer introduces a bug (either deliberately or maliciously), the worst that he's done is messed up your development or testing system - no dinosaurs have escaped - and no awkward letters of apologies to write to your guests' relatives!

  3. Have a quality assurance group, separate from your programmers, perform testing on the test system, before deciding whether to deploy new versions of the software on your real system. You should also have independent experts regularly audit what the computer programmers are doing, and the security of your systems.
Dinosaur Breeding Tips:
  1. Breeding dinosaurs of only one gender is a good idea - BUT - do not use frog DNA (or any other animal which may be prone to changing sex) to fill in gaps in your dinosaur DNA. Birds (which are descended from dinosaurs) and crocodilians (dinosaur "cousins" - apart from birds, the only surviving members of the archosaurs) are more closely related anyway.
Bonus Tip:
  1. Don't just assume a disaster probably won't happen - and that you can improvise if it does. Have a contingency plan and train all your staff in it. That way everybody knows their way to the redoubt, where the emergency caches of automatic weapons are stored, and the dinosaur-proof armored-vehicles are always fully fueled and ready to roll.

    Ensure your dinosaur park contains emergency caches of automatic weapons:
    Ensure your dinosaur park contains emergency caches of automatic weapons

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